Like most parents, you hope to never need to talk to your kids about divorce. But divorce happens, and when it does, your kids need to understand the situation and how it affects them. Your kids may be more perceptive about what’s going on than you think, which makes the conversation all the more important. Follow these tips to talk to your kids about divorce and make sure they understand what’s going on and feel reassured about their future.
This is the time for you and your spouse to put aside your differences and make a statement together in front of your kids. Don’t fight with each other during this conversation, as the goal is to show your children that you can work together as parents. Also avoid the blame game or making negative comments about each other in front of your kids during this conversation, says Liana Lowenstein, MSW, a therapist who offers resources for families going through divorce. Click here to read her article, Explaining Separation/Divorce to Children.
Don’t improvise the conversation when you talk to your kids about divorce. Instead, decide what to say beforehand, and stick to the script. Start by understanding your child’s age group and what’s essential to them. Today’s Parent offers a thorough age by age guide worth a read before you create your script.
Gerald A. Falzone, a family law attorney, says there’s no need to pretend everything is fine during this conversation. He suggests keeping things simple and about facts. Get ideas about what to say in his article, Joint Custody: How to Talk With Your Kids About Divorce.
Basically, explain when the divorce will take place and which parent will be staying in the home and which one will be moving out. Talk to them about when they will see the other parent, according to your custody arrangement. This part of the conversation may come later than the initial announcement. Take a look at the example scripts offered at FamilyEducation.org.
Allow your kids to explain how they feel right after the announcement and in the days to follow. Encourage any questions they may have. Listen carefully to what they have to say, and if you don’t know the answer, tell them so. Acknowledge their feelings instead of pushing them away, as this leaves the door open for maintaining an open dialogue as the divorce progresses.
We sell do-it-yourself divorce/dissolution kits as well as legal separation kits, good in the state of Washington. These kits can be bought as an instant download, or you can order one, and we’ll mail it to you: